The Beauty of Life

I've had an epiphany.
I don't even know if the new insight I've aquired can even be put into words.
Here is the simplest way I can explain it, and I need to try, because I cannot afford to forget what I've come to realized.
Basically, I've always lived for my future. In my small valley as I ventured from elementary school, to middle school, to high school, I dreamed about what I wanted to do and what I wanted to become. Now that I'm in college, I'm in my future. I'm living what I've been dreaming about.

This was hard because I had spent the previous years of my life only dreaming of what I'd do, and now that I was doing it, I couldn't really grasp it. I continued to work for things I thought I might want. I continued looking, because I hadn't gained that satisfaction I had hoped for.

I went home for fall break, and the genuity and familiarity of everything about colorado make it hard to go back. But I ignored it.

I met up with my best friend back and school and we both justed cried in realization that we hated where we were. But it was what we wanted. Why wasn't what we thought we wanted making us happy? It makes you question the concept of beauty. Its superficial. There is no depth. It is great to look at, but one cannot live simply on beauty. One needs substance.

My school is simply that: beautiful. People are gorgeous. But that's it. There is no substance. At least not in the aspect that I was looking for or expected to find. I felt I had no way out. However, I began to realize what I wanted, quickly learning that through experience one truly discovers who they are.

I can not know who I am going to be, where I think is right for me.

I am living my first day in the moment. I am not going to act based on what I think will make me happy. If it makes me happy NOW, I will do it. I used to strived for the beautiful. I got the beautiful, and that is all that it is. PRETTY. Superficiality is not a negative aspect. People just need to understand that surface beauty is simply surface. Beauty can often be used as a mask to cover the deciet and negativity of emptiness. That is why love cannot be about beauty and you cannot live meaningful life based soley on beauty.

Beauty, in its visual definition, is not always synonymous with truth, just like dreaming is not synonymous with reality.

Define beauty? COMPLEXITY. It makes things interesting. Look at the world. It is not simple.

Confidence is beauty. Confidence can only be obtained by the individual, which essentially would imply the notion that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You as an individual are responsible, not only for the beauty of self, but the beauty of the world.

Beauty is still everything I thought, but it goes beyond everything I know.

Irony is beautiful. Irony is a sign that you are in line with the universe. Here are my weekend quotes from Abraham:

"Start taking pleasure from your inner reality. Most people are approaching this backwards. Most people are saying, "Okay, I want that, and I am not fulfilled until I get that manifestation." The reason for that promise of manifestation out there, to begin with, is that it gives you the reason to play the game in the inner reality. It is your imagination, it is the feeling of Energy flowing through you that is life. "

"Offer a vibration that matches your desire rather than offering a vibration that keeps matching what-is. "

I guess in reflection, I misinterpreted beauty. I think beauty is the result of something truly fantastic and complex. It is not meant to define something, but rather a simplified expression of something too intricate to understand visually. Art is a prime example of that. However, it only leaves me with further questions. Looking outside my window at the snow covered mountains, I have to wonder beyond who and ask what provoked such beauty? I have come to find that experience gives us meaning and defines who we are. Life is beautiful through our every act and lesson. So is beauty an result of a meaningful life or is a meaningful life a result of beauty?
And yet I can't even ask those questions expecting a right or wrong answer because when it comes down to it, the meaning of life is the most ambiguous question a curious girl can ask!
LOVE LOVE,
CuriousChloe