The Reel Mind

Do ever have those days, or perhaps like me it happens everyday, where you find yourself in the tornado of a daydream. Where you continue to overanalyze something again and again, reinterpreting, rejustifying, redefining, so much that when you take a step back from the item in thought, you realize you've created an entire world around it?

Well, when something is bothering me, that is what I do- overanalyze. I must say the mind reels...endlessly until it starts back from where it started, only more contorted and disfigured. Like now for instance. My best friend and I are in a terrible fight. The worst fight in fact because there is no fighting at all- just silence. And while this is usually how our little tiffs go, I am the one who ends up caving in and apologizing for things I never in fact did, solely to rekindle the former light-hearted bond.

But not this time. I am strong well it comes to romance. I always see right through the man and am the constant go-to girl when my girlfriends find themselves in relationship rubble. I know when they are being used, and being played, but what I never thought to ponder was that those same circumstances could apply between friendships. And that is exactly what is happening in mine. I am being played by my best friend. Which only further leads me to question if she really is in fact a best friend. I mean surely someone you tag with such a title should uphold some code of honor or genuity, should she not?

It is this sad and rude awakening that has led me to not give in, but hold my ground and state my claim. However, if the one known for bringing the peace is steadfast in her convictions, will the peace ever come?

This I do not know. I would hope that after all I have put into our friendship and or past recoveries, she would atleast attempt a chance to talk. I of course must say that she has been a good friend as well...but when the friendship becomes solely about one person and their needs, the good friend qualities tend to die. And that is precisely what has happened. I loved our friendship, I must admit more than I love myself, but I also know that if I can ever respect myself or be respected at all, I must stand up for myself.

So that is what I'm doing. And the bashlash for that is silence. Which is oh-so convenient for my thoughts to reel endlessly until the tongue speaks. Until then I am trying to maintain my anger as much as possible.
xx
Chloe